Articles
Authentic Relationships
Communicating
• Dissolve Disputes By Communicating
By Marie C. Barrett
You can dissolve most disputes with your life partner and put them in proper perspective, by talking about the issue. When a dispute arises in your relationship, and this will probably happen sometime, you always have a choice in how you react. Mountains stay bumps if you communicate before an eruption changes the landscape forever.
Listen to your intuition and adopt an attitude of negotiation, of finding common ground for discussion. Speak and act from a position of compassion and respect, for this is where your true power lies. It is pointless to set out to win at all costs; this will only arouse resentment in your partner and cause them to feel angry, inferior or even disempowered. What you give out is what will return to you! Center your thoughts and speak from your inner wellspring of wisdom, communicating with respect and gentleness.
See if you can negotiate a middle path, allowing concessions on both sides if find yourself in a dispute. Argument leads to angst and anger and in truth, and as Australian psychologist, Joe Sproats, wisely says, “the only argument you’ll ever win is the argument you don’t have”. You will usually find you can negotiate a middle road.
Respect your own wisdom and nurture the positive self-esteem of your partner. There can always be a win-win for all concerned. Center your thoughts and speak from the calm and power of your inner self, and at the same time approach the other person with compassion and understanding. Negotiate a middle path so you both feel acknowledged.
Where there is resentment, there is unhappiness and conflict. Do not let resentment smolder in your relationship ever again. Look for the deeper issues underlying the conflict. Maybe it is a power struggle, where one partner is seeking dominance over the other. If this is the case, you don’t need to feel threatened. No one can compromise your integrity or take away your inner power unless you let them. You do not need validation from anyone else; you are perfect just as you are.
If you think the other party is trying to make you feel small, remember your own true worth, and give compassion to the need of the other person to feel good within themselves; it is coming from their need, not yours. Trust your own wisdom. Ask for help if you want it, but keep your personal integrity intact always.
You can make everyone’s interaction with you an uplifting and empowering one. Try to see the other point of view. If the issue is of major importance, stand up for what you believe to be true and for the highest good for all. If, however, the issue is really rather insignificant and of little consequence in the big scheme of life and in your relationship, weigh up the odds and allow your partner to feel good for having worked out a mutually satisfying solution.
It will always be to your greater advantage to give the other party the respect they deserve. Your partner may not be as aware as you are of their inner beauty and worthiness, but train yourself to see in others the perfection you have already discovered within yourself.
If your relationship is to flourish and develop into a deep and happy one, your ability to communicate openly and honestly, is a skill worth working to develop. Always understand why you are saying what you are saying and know the outcome you hope to achieve. Will it be a win-win situation or will your partner feel deflated? If the latter, find another way to a more empowering outcome. Never, never, make your partner feel let down or smothered. There is always a win-win outcome if you look deeply and carefully enough.
Listen to your partner. Listen with your whole mind, body and soul. Show appreciation, nod to indicate you follow and understand. Be a good listener. It will pay off big time. Look your partner in the eyes, let them know you appreciate and care about their point of view. You may not agree with their viewpoint, but if we all thought the same way, the world would be a dull place. Whatever you do, don’t try to push someone else through the door of change because they will hang on to that door jam like you would not believe!
Communication is a two way street. Let your partner know your wants and needs without them having to scratch their head and wonder what on earth you want or what will make you happy. Tell them. Be open and light hearted about your needs. There will always be mystery in your relationship, but cut out the unnecessary confusion and frustration.
On the other hand, you can make it easy for your partner to express their needs to you as well. They may find it more difficult to speak openly about their needs and preferences. Be forthright and honest, for the feelings you suppress cause the most pain. Be gentle and understanding; appreciate and delight in your differences. Honest, loving communication can bring you great happiness and will make for a peaceful and satisfying relationship.
