Articles
Authentic Relationships
Communicating
• Sharing True Friendship
By Marie C. Barrett
Defining true friendship is like trying to bottle sunshine. We know when it is there, we feel its warmth, but we cannot hold it. All we can do is love the feeling, delight in the moment and allow it to be as it is.
How can we find true friendship in this sometimes selfish and indifferent world? Friends often share likes and dislikes, interests, pursuits, hopes and dreams, and perhaps above all, they are willing to respond with caring and affection when someone invites them to come closer in trust and openness.
Do we usually make many true, deep friendships in life?
Probably not many at all. Maybe just one or two friends whose love and affection stand the test of changing fortunes and time-tested amiability. To my knowledge, no-one has accurately defined what friendship means, yet we are still able to recognize its characteristic traits when we see them.
At the least, two friends must share a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind, maybe an interest or a philosophy. Friendship involves a shared sense of caring and a desire to see one another grow and reach their full potential; they want to the other to succeed in life and to be happy.
When we love with a kind of Platonic love, where we want someone else’s good without expecting any spin off for ourselves, we are moving in the realm of being a true friend. True friendship involves doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; being willing to share thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged and without judging the other.
Friends accept each other as they are and are willing to blur the edges of differences so that they can forgive each other and maintain their mutual trust and desire for the other’s growth and happiness. As in any relationship, friends will want to be honest and in a spirit of loving care for the other, speak with candor and honesty.
There is a way to offer constructive criticism that is not offensive, yet looks only for the greater good of the one being assessed. A true friend is not afraid to walk this narrow line of honesty, and is willing to risk the anger and disenchantment of the other. If you know your friend has your greater good at heart, even though offering criticism, you will accept it even if you disagree. In accepting, you are allowing the other to be as they are, and you know they are allowing you to be as you are.
Their love for you may involve telling you some hard home truths, but this is offered in a spirit of wanting your highest good and greater happiness.
The other element of friendship that cries out to be heard is the idea of standing side by side, with mutual loyalty, and looking in the same direction. Thoughts, hopes and dreams, ideals and plans of action shared between friends can be immensely empowering. Having someone to bounce ideas off, to share inner thoughts with, to ponder problems with, is a most precious and rare relationship.
True friends seek the good of the other in a disinterested way, that is to say, in a way that excludes serving their own interests over the interests and happiness of the other. Friendship is kindness extended and acceptance of each other as they are. They offer a safe emotional place to each other, and mutual acceptance with a genuine desire for each other’s greater good.
If we find one or maybe two such friendships in life, we will be very blessed.
